Emotions Run High

My brain/heart/gut are all confused, sometimes I wish I could just tear them all out and get rid of them(Bon fire anyone.?.). Too many thoughts, not enough hours in the day to deal with it all.. Most the time lately I feel like its all a waste of time to deal with it all. I just want to be done with everything and start fresh. Literally. I want to throw everything that I have accumulated over the past 20+ years and throw it all in a bag, and be done.I want to move to a place where no one knows me, and I can be whoever I want. 

Lately I have to feel like I have to watch what I say, or do, or w/e. Just because I don't know who I'm bound to piss off. Its just complete bull shit. I'm so done trying to pretend. Trying to hide tears and depression and sadness all behind a smile. People ask me if I'm ok or if somethings changed. All I have to say is live a day in my body with my thoughts and then you may be able to understand. 

Trying to get through everything has just made me sick. Nausea, headaches, dizziness=not a happy Katie =[. Then on top of that the stupid emotions lately. Little things are making me want to break into tears. Its so stupid and ridiculous lately!!

Thats all for now

<3 K

Cold Hearted Bitch=ME

I have officially taken the Cold Hearted Bitch trophy here tonight. If you look up CHB in the dictionary-- My name and pic will be there. Why?? Because I have hurt the guy that I care about for the 2nd time now. NO I didn't cheat on him. NO I didn't lie to him. I hurt him in the fact that I broke his heart. He loved me, cared about me. But I felt no "connection". The spark wasn't there. I thought I did, I thought I had that spark with him. Until I stayed the night with him, and all feelings of lovey dovey went out the window. He is a dear friend of mine, and for this to happen... actually I don't feel anything. Yea I feel like a CHB (Cold Hearted Bitch) right now because I'm on the phone with him and he is crying saying things such as "I put my heart and soul into you. You said you wouldn't do this to me again." Oh and his current saying "I tested you today, asking where you see yourself in 5 years and you didn't even think of fucking including me in it". I felt forced into this relationship.. I rushed into it because it was just after Valentine's Day, and I was alone. I just couldn't take anymore. I strongly believe that he is/will not be the one for me. Someday long time from now I will find the one for me. These were my last words to him before he hung up "I love you, but I'm not IN LOVE with you."